Long ago, over cell phones, Crown Royal blended whiskey and excellent steaks, a group of three men banded together to talk about racing cars. At the earliest meetings, this band of would be heroes rationalized that having autocrossed cars for year(s) without major injury to selves or vehicles, they were ready to go wheel to wheel. Fools!
Within the first year of actively racing, this adept trio quickly gained experiences that frankly they could have lived without, chunks of broken concrete kicked up by errant cars, into windshields at triple digit speeds, sliding sideways, backwards and occasionally forwards into walls, mud, grass, and yet amazingly not each other; driving down a pit road to a rapid stop, trailing oil, smoke, internal engine parts and oh yes flames, running into others, having others run into them, getting placed on probation, and consuming rubber at a rate previously inconceivable.
They also got to know paint and body specialists, even better that before, too well perhaps. When one of our members rationalized that being on the track quickly and cheaply was more important than pretty, sporting body panels from a variety of mismatched donors, the ever witty restoration expert coined the phrase, “race hard, race ugly!” and Ugly Racing was born.
However, all was not disaster, teaming up early on, in a fluke of attrition, a pairing of these men finished an enduro third in class, then later in a drizzling freezing rain, one of them actually won a race. Emboldened by these meager successes, these three clutch-ka-teers began to search out new challenges, and recruited, encouraged and co-oped more men to join in their quests for glory.
What more glorious quest than a storied endurance race, only Daytona frowns on barely licensed amateurs, Sebring and Virginia are too short, a mere 12 hours, the Circuit de la Sarthe goes for a suitable time, but there’s the whole ocean thing and talking funny, so LeMans is out, but LeMons would be perfect for these ugly mugs.
Introducing the Mugs of Race Hard Race Ugly!
Ugly Driver “John Bibaeff"
The most valuable thing any middle aged wannabe race car driver can have, is a loving and understanding wife. Here John parked squarely in the winner’s circle. During an early DE weekend she asked how it was going and learned the mantra right away, driving a racecar is simply the most fun you can have with all your clothes on. Since then, probably in an effort to keep someone’s damn clothes on, she’s been fully supportive of the foolishness that is amateur road racing. John Bibaeff’s racing approach has been called, all guts, no glory. Undeterred, replying that until the limit has been crossed, you won’t know where it is, John’s enthusiasm, has slowly dropped back in line with his minimal skills. John is the lucky duck mentioned above for trailing flames down pit road at Texas Motor Speedway. Believe it or not, a 1.6L Miata will keep right on running on 3 cylinders, even after using the fourth’s rod cap to poke holes in the block, creating a field installed external exhaust manifold lubrication system. So you actually need to shut it down to stop the oil flow. The second tip learned from this incident, the yellow powder from a fire extinguisher, sticks to everything and is a real pain to clean up, so avoid fire at all costs. Duh!
All I ever needed to know I learned from Gran Turismo! -Billy Moses
That statement pretty much sums it up. There was a lot of Gran Turismo before Billy ever actually set foot in a race car, or even drove a sports car at speed. (If you can call a Honda Civic Si Hatchback a Sports Car) The actual racing started when Billy met a girl who introduced him to a man, that man was John Bibaeff. John showed Billy two autocrosses that were occurring in the local area and the rest is history. In his first event Billy stormed to victory with a time that makes no difference at all because he was the only person in his car class. After a couple of months of autocross Billy went to
Ugly Driver "Keith Wicker"
Feeling very disgruntled about taking two years to build his racecar while watching his friends buy theirs, Keith has finally recently joined the ranks of the racer / owner, rather than the racer / car is under construction - who can I borrow a car from this month. Keith’s driver training started at an early age with a love of Hot Wheels that still persists to today as he ‘still plays with cars’. He did not benefit from years of racing school experience or any professional training, just honed his skills by being a pizza delivery boy with a old beat up ’67 Mustang on some Louisiana back roads. When the law finally caught up to him, he looked to autocrossing but road racing was to be his future, and he started in a bang up fashion, literally. While not always being the fastest guy on the track, he will evoke every dirty trick and blocking maneuver to stay in front and to stand proud above his Ugly Racing buddies (but unfortunately, no one else). As with John, he benefits from a very supportive wife and a helpful pit crew of tax deductions. Ugly Racing may have started as a vision between three friends over some Crown Royal but has now morphed into something much bigger, much as a mold covers a cheese, and Keith is glad to be standing proud in the middle of the moldy cheese with his Ugly Racing buddies.
Ugly Driver “Mark Lyon”
Ever the industrious one, Mark also chose to build rather than buy a racecar. The ugly mugs certainly appreciate the example of what not to do in prepping a car. Claiming to never have gotten the instructions for the pre-formed rollcage is a good start. Drinking Crown Royal whiskey while installing, fitting and welding the cage is an excellent second step, but hey, the welder was sober? Wasn’t he?? (Editor’s note: By the way this seems to be a common theme to the ugly mugs, maybe a sponsorship is appropriate??) Anyway as for on the track exploits, Mark’s comments about his future teammates where limited and brief. Perhaps it was prophetic, since always making his words sweet and easy to swallow, lest he ever have to eat them is something Mark isn’t necessarily know for, however he happened to be in that situation by accident when it came to racing. Early on, John and Steve were describing disastrous outcomes, inept efforts and general incompetence, Mark made a minimal amount of smart-alec comments. Later when in preparation for joining the boys on the track, Mark’s driving school experience went something like this, “those guys are crazy!” or “I though we were here to learn?”. When it was all said and done, he mentioned that he was glad he teased John and Steve only minimally, because there was more to this than he thought. Ah, what an understatement.
